The Best Way to Gain Self-Confidence: Definitions, Affirmations, and Tips

Do you want to be more confident? Build your self-confidence with science-based strategies and learn what confidence is. 

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Would you like to gain some self-confidence? Self-confidence can make it easier for us to achieve our goals, stay motivated, and even feel better.

In this article, we will define self-confidence, clarify the difference between self-confidence and self-esteem, and help you build your self-confidence. There are some upsides to low self-confidence, as well as some self-confidence quotes.

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What Does Self-Confidence Mean? (Definition of Self-Confidence)

Self-confidence is a difficult concept to define. Self-confidence overlaps with self-esteem, which is defined as how much you like, approve of, or value yourself (Mruk, 1995). Self-confidence can be defined as the feeling that one is competent and capable of handling different situations, including performance, appearance, romantic relationships, and social interactions (Cheng & Furnham, 2002). Self-confidence refers to our perception of our abilities.

Self-confidence is thought to help a person cope with challenges, take advantage of opportunities, and deal with difficulties. There is no doubt in their minds that they can handle life. Also, they may be more self-motivated, more likely to pursue goals, and more likely to manifest-and why not? Their belief is that they can succeed. That’s why confidence is such a valuable characteristic, and we all want to develop it.

How does self-confidence differ from self-doubt?
We may feel insecure, self-conscious, unsure, and self-doubting if we lack self-confidence. A fear of failure, ridicule, or incompetence may lead us to withdraw rather than approach new situations. As a result, we may also be apprehensive, nervous, and shy. Positively, when we lack confidence, we are less likely to be arrogant, egotistical, or assuming. Low confidence is associated with many positive qualities, just as high confidence is.

The difference between self-confidence and self-esteem

Self-confidence and self-esteem can overlap, but not always. You probably know someone who has a long list of achievements and abilities, but still feels bad about themselves. Having self-confidence-or a positive view of our abilities-may be easier to build than self-esteem, which is how we view ourselves fundamentally.

We can boost our confidence, which is good news for those of us who want to do so. It’s important to keep in mind why we want to achieve our goals. We are not likely to feel very good if we win prizes, make friends, and accumulate other achievements to convince ourselves that we are ‘good enough’.

While the technical definition of confidence may focus more on our abilities than our self-views, my hunch is that you are reading this article because you want to feel better about yourself. For the remainder of this article, I’ll blur the lines between self-esteem and self-confidence.

Lacking Self-Confidence?

I wanted to take just a moment to recognize the upsides of low confidence before we discuss how to build it. It’s true that having confidence can make life easier-at the very least, we’re more motivated to act (Bénabou & Tirole, 2002), so we’re more likely to do things that make our lives better. Imagine for a minute that you don’t believe in yourself, worry about failure, and even don’t think you’re good enough to do something, yet you still do it. It takes a lot of courage to do that! 

Most of us have done things in our lives where we were unsure of our abilities. After falling over a few times, most of us probably didn’t have much confidence that we would ever be able to ride a bike. We managed to do it somehow. We’ve likely displayed a great deal of courage after taking a lifetime’s worth of actions without self-confidence. No matter how confident you are, remember that you are still learning. You’re either building confidence or courage, and both are good things.

Test of Self-Confidence

I’m not sure how confident you are. Begin by indicating how much you agree or disagree with these questions.

Answers to these questions or levels of confidence are not right or wrong. It is my hope that these questions have helped you gain a better understanding of your current level of self-confidence.

Self-Confidence: How to Build It

The development of self-confidence follows a spiral pattern. As successful experiences lead to self-confidence, self-confidence leads to more successful experiences, and so on. One experience at a time, if we can get ourselves into this positive feedback loop, we can start growing our self-confidence. Here is a little guide to help you.

Self-confidence action plan

1. Set a small, easy, and totally doable goal. For me, what is doable may be totally different from what is doable for you. Perhaps I will run for five minutes, go on a date with one person, or just make my bed. Choose something you’re sure you’ll do. Just to be sure, do it right now.

2. Consider your accomplishments for a moment. Self-affirmation is important. “Hey you! You did it. Now I know you can do whatever you want.”

3. Make your goal a little harder. Be careful not to overdo it. One thing at a time is best. 

4. Rinse and repeat. Set goals that you can reach and achieve them.

It is known that small practices like these increase our self-efficacy – our belief that we are capable of achieving what we set our minds to (Schunk & Pajares, 2009).

Video: ​How to Build Self Confidence

The Role of Self-Worth in Self-Confidence

I don’t want to limit this article to just abilities and accomplishments. If we don’t feel good about ourselves (or if we don’t feel worse about ourselves!) then what’s the point of being good at something? In order to build our self-confidence, I think we are seeking more than just feeling good about ourselves; we are seeking to feel like who we are and what we do matters.

It has been suggested that knowing your worth is perhaps the most important factor contributing to confidence (Owens, 1993). It is more likely that we will pursue goals that disconfirm our beliefs rather than those that make us feel good and heal our mental and emotional wounds if we feel worthless, disposable, or ‘not good’ in some way.

The difference between acting for others and acting for oneself
Often, I’ve done what a boss, friend, or acquaintance asked simply because their approval made me feel good-like I mattered. Ultimately, not standing up for my needs, setting boundaries, and saying ‘no’ weakened my self-confidence and self-esteem. In terms of my self-esteem, instead of doing what felt right to me-and proving to myself that I am both good and good at things-I settled for a pat on the back that didn’t really change anything.

There is no doubt that I am not alone in this. Everybody bends to others’ wishes from time to time, and that’s okay, too. Our mindset needs to change to one that views our needs and desires as equally important as those of others. This mindset should guide our actions. To be able to take the actions we desire, we must believe that we are allowed to do so.

It is important to allow ourselves to be who we are. Consequently, we can remind ourselves that any actions we take are simply expressions of our true nature. They no longer have a right or wrong, a good or a bad. The truth is what it is.

Self-Confidence Affirmations

Self-confidence can sometimes be gained through affirmations. Affirmations can be in many forms, such as focusing on our positive qualities, skills, or assets. Here are a few self-confidence affirmations you can use.

You shouldn’t listen to your inner critic

We may want to begin by formulating affirmations that shift our negative beliefs about ourselves. If we have thoughts like, “I’m not worthy”, we can use affirmations like, “I’m equally valuable as anyone else.” Or if we have thoughts like, “I’m not good at making friends,” we might replace them with something like, “I am capable of making new friends.” Even though we might not feel comfortable saying positive affirmations that contradict what we already believe to be true, practicing them strengthens our brains.

Identify your positive qualities and affirm them

Reaffirming positive qualities is one of my favorite confidence tricks. When I do this in bed before getting up, I find it boosts my motivation. Say as many positive qualities as you can think of out loud (or in your head). As an example, I might say, “I am kind, smart, and determined.” It can be helpful to affirm positive things about yourself, even if you have some negative opinions of yourself.

Your skills and abilities should be affirmed

As well as affirming your positive qualities, you can also affirm your abilities. Saying statements that remind you of your skills would be helpful in this case. I might say, “I am a good writer. I am hardworking. I am a good gardener,” etc. By doing this, we can both gain confidence in these skills as well as remember that we were able to build skills in the past, so we can build new skills in the future.

Tips for Increasing Self-Confidence

In addition to these science-based strategies, there are a few others you can try that will help you gain self-confidence. Some of the best ones are:

Compassionately treat yourself

A person who practices self-compassion treats themselves with kindness, recognizes our shared humanity, and is mindful and gentle when exploring their negative aspects (Neff, 2011). By embracing self-compassion, we can maintain a more positive attitude towards ourselves, which can boost our self-esteem (Owens, 1993). 

To cultivate self-compassion, there are several ways to practice it. You can write a self-compassionate letter to yourself as part of this self-compassion exercise. You can also try this exercise that guides you through taking a break for self-compassion.

Become self-focused and optimistic

Optimism involves looking forward to the future with hope and optimism. In addition to greater well-being, optimism has been linked to all sorts of positive outcomes (Carver et al., 2010). We can gain confidence by being more optimistic about ourselves and our abilities. Think about the best possible version of yourself in the future, focusing on the good things you do. It is also possible to visualize yourself achieving your goals. By doing this, you can help your mind adjust to the idea of your success and feel more confident about your goals.

Talk to yourself in a supportive manner

As well as affirmations-where we state our positive qualities in the first person-we can also develop an internal supportive coach or guardian angel to assist us. We might tell ourselves, “You’re doing a great job. You’re a great person. You deserve a life of happiness.” By saying these things to ourselves in the third person—as if from someone else—we may feel supported in ways that help us feel more confident.

Self-Confidence Quotes

These self-confidence quotes may inspire you to build more confidence:

• “Confidence comes from hours and days and weeks and years of dedication.”– Robert Staubach.
• Don’t be afraid to believe in yourself! Be confident in your abilities! You cannot be successful or happy without a humble but reasonable belief in your own abilities.” – Norman Vincent Peale
• The foundation of confidence is honesty, honor, the sacredness of obligations, faithful protection, and unselfish performance. It cannot survive without them.” – Franklin D. Roosevelt
• Arrogance is thinking you are better than others and acting accordingly.” – Stewart Stafford. Confidence is believing in yourself and your abilities.
• It is not being right that gives confidence, but not being afraid to be wrong.” – Peter T. McIntyre

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