–– From Feeling Stuck to Living A Purposeful Life
What is my purpose?
I am sure we all have asked this question at some point in our lives. I remember for me; this question arose after my 7th break up with BL, whom I loved deeply. I thought I was supposed to be married and have two children at age 30. But on my thirtieth birthday, I felt like a failure. I felt like I had failed life, and it happened that night, I also had a big fight with the person that I thought loved me the most in the world. “I don’t think this is going to work anymore,” he said to me for the 100th time. Even though part of me knew that he says things like this every time we run into a hurdle in our relationship; Us has always been the first thing he dumps. Regardless, it still hurts to hear it every time.
My fear told me that I needed to leave him before he left me this time. So, I told myself, no more Sixu, no more. Enough is enough, leave and never go back to him. However, I felt highly empty inside. I felt like I have lost my sense of purpose without this person in my life. I can still remember, even up until today, how painful it was for me. I, at the time, worked at a 9-5 design job. Despite how horrible I felt, I knew I must suck it up, go to work, and continue to do a good job. I still vividly remember the blank stares I had at the computer screen doing brainless CAD work while thinking about how much of a loser I was compared to my other friends; their kids were already in elementary school. Deep down, I knew I desperately wanted to have a family, and I couldn’t figure out why it was not happening because in my mind and with the culture I grew up with, life would be incomplete without having a family of your own. I asked my dad once in my teens, “hey dad, what is the purpose of life” he said, “Our purpose is to leave something behind. If you can’t leave a legacy yourself, you should raise your kids the best you can so he or they can leave something behind.” What he said was engraved into my brain, and that is how I have been living since. I knew I could not achieve mastery or have inventions or change the world, so I thought I should raise my children. Well, I need to have them first, right? Therefore, having a successful relationship has been my number one priority for the longest time.
Now, let me go back to the story with BL, I loved him so much with my heart and soul, and I had prioritized him, even on a pedestal at times. It is not that easy for me to fall deeply for someone, but since I fell deeply in love with this guy, I gave it my all and hoped we could make it into a happy ending. I had already helped him with a more fulfilling life, yet he still left. I was lost, and I went to a dark place after the last broke up. I even had suicidal thoughts to end the suffering. For months after, I didn’t feel like myself. I operated on little sleep and ate little food. Part of me could not find another reason to continue to live happily. Of course, this state of being would significantly affect my performance at work. I got laid off at the perfect timing of the pandemic’s beginning. Then I was even more lost, as the only reason I got up in the morning was no longer there. I had no interest in searching for another design job, as I had enough bosses who didn’t value my worth.
My long, 80-hour weeks made me decide to leave the design industry. Eight years of being over-worked and underpaid made me feel too burned out to put my resume together for more job interviews. Therefore, I entered the darkest three months of my life, not knowing what to do with myself. Every day was made up of binge-watching TV shows, hoping to hear back from BL still, and minimal communication with my roommate at the time. I am an extrovert, but for those three months, I was mostly quiet. I was passing the time and staying alive rather than living my life. You could call it depression, but I did not bother to diagnose myself. I knew this was not sustainable, and I could not live like this forever, so I began my soul-searching journey.
I wanted to find myself a good reason to get up. I knew there was no answer I could find elsewhere, so my only choice was to go inward. I journaled a bunch. I began to ask myself, “What would drive you to get up in the morning out of all the things that interest you?” The answer came to me quickly, “If someone needs me.” That struck me, and it made complete sense. As I recall in my relationship with him, especially when we were long-distance, each morning, the first thing that came to my mind was, “What does he need me for right now?” and if I satisfied his need, it would already make my day. I then asked myself to think about all the other times that I had helped someone with their issues; I realized that I lit up every time I helped them resolve a problem. “Wow, it is not just him,” I said, “I should be helping many others.”
After this realization, I felt alive again and began my research on how to serve others, like how I used to help BL with his life struggles. I have looked into becoming a therapist, a counselor, and a mentor. Based on my research, none of these options seemed feasible to me. Before I felt defeated again, a voice appeared out of nowhere when I woke up one morning, “What about becoming a life coach?” I felt excited; I remember it was 6 ‘o clock in the morning, and I could not continue to sleep after having that thought and texted my life coach at the time to ask her opinion about the idea. She advised me to learn more about life coach school and life coach certifications. Once I did, my goodness, everything about it described me. It aligned well with my personality, talents, skills, and value. I felt like I had found myself for the first time. Soon after the initial research, I came across an online school named Life Purpose Institute. This was perfect synchronicity with the school’s name. I signed up right away, got certified within three months, and launched my coaching business shortly after my certification. I have since then helped dozens of people connect to their purpose. Life has not been the same since. Each day I wake up excited and ready to serve and go to bed feeling satisfied. I feel alive and purposeful.
Now you must wonder, is being a life coach your purpose then? I thought so too at first, as I had never felt so fulfilled before. However, after having the business for a while, I started to miss design and the artist in me. I needed an outlet for my creativity, and fortunately enough, my best friend started her own design firm around the same time I launched my coaching business. She invited me to design with her part-time. I was thrilled as we got along so well and agreed without a blink. Now a year has passed. I can confidently say I made the right decision, as working with her reminded me why I loved doing design. She was a delight to work with, and when we collaborated, we inspired each other for a better idea to surface. She also respected my effort and compensated me well. She appreciated my talent and had constantly challenged me to be better.
Most importantly, she didn’t have unreasonable deadlines. I felt blessed to have a boss and a friend to design with, and we successfully completed a BBQ restaurant that is expected to open this fall. I then realized that I didn’t give up design because of design issues but the corporate working culture. Thanks to her, I found my way back to design. Being a designer part-time did not hinder my coaching ability but enhanced it as it created a good balance for me. It satisfies my cravings for creativity which brings more joy and satisfaction to my life that allows me to best show up for my coaching clients.
I now often jokingly call myself a life coach during the day, and a designer at night. I am pleased to utilize both of my talents and interests, and I love the purposeful life I am creating that is full of joy and freedom.
Are being a coach and being a designer both my purpose? After living my life pursuing these two passions, I concluded that none of those is my purpose. My purpose is not limited to doing any one thing or several things. My purpose is to be me and reach for my potential as a unique being. That includes sharing my gifts and talents with the world and being in joy, and bringing love and joy to everything surrounding me. After my journey of becoming a life coach, I knew I had discovered a part of me that was not found before, and I am closer to my potential. I also understood why my relationship with BL had failed as I had made him my purpose and lost myself in helping him. No matter how much we love someone, they are not our purpose. We must focus on our individual journey, and we can only best serve others after taking care of ourselves. My focus now is to continue to evolve, and I believe I have infinite potential to grow if life is endless. As I have a limited amount of time here, I am determined to continue growing and becoming the greater version of myself each day. What more to ask for but to be grateful for the journey in between?
I believe no one is here to be miserable. We are all here to be the best we can be while doing what we love. Therefore, I am determined to help you find your talents and passion and strive for your potential as the unique being you are. After reading my journey, I hope you stop looking for a purpose and start looking into understanding yourself more deeply. That’s where the purpose lives. The more you are being your authentic self, the more purposeful you will feel. If you feel lost or overwhelmed to start, I have created a simple 9-step process to help you connect deeper with who you truly are. I would love to serve you as a guide to point you in the right direction.